Opinion | the read | Gabrielle Pyne
It varies between late evening her time, early morning my time, or 14 hours and vice versa when we FaceTime, either way, the conversation lasts for two hours at minimum. During this particular long-distance call with one of my best girlfriends who’s currently living in Busan, South Korea, with her newlywed husband, I’m watching her load the dishwasher as we casually joke about the all too familiar “icks,” that came with menstruation. We’re so busy relaxing in pajamas and bonnets and chuckling at the men who have to deal with our moods and odd cravings that we don’t consider the similarities between premenstrual and early signs of pregnancy.
“Gabrielle…you’re what?!” I dramatically enunciate when she confirms the latter about a month later from her sister’s home, stateside in Burlington, New Jersey. I can’t help but laugh (I could have been happy crying, my memory is foggy here) at how we called it unknowingly or manifested it, whichever phrase you prefer, listening to her explain that she’s been experiencing morning sickness and how her staunch commitment to coffee has to be replaced with chocolate milk.
Alchemy: In conversation we’ve talked about things you admire about your grandmother, can you think of anything you do that stems from her influence?
Gabrielle: Like my grandmother, I try to be a woman of my word. That’s most important to me. In comparison, she was a woman of very few words but all-powerful in her intention to educate, humble, and even soothe a person through the things she did say. She was very observant, and deliberate, and most importantly she was fair. She catered a lot to the people she loved. She gave everyone a chance no matter what their background and she made everyone feel loved. But she had a way about her where she also distanced herself from anything and anyone that was not good for her or her family. Her loyalty to her loved ones was deep.
I aspire to be like her in so many ways but her loyalty was unwavering to the point where a lot of people took advantage of her kindness. So what I embody most is to be like her in all that I do, to be open and loving, to be loyal to no end when it comes to family, and to love myself so dearly that I don’t exhaust myself and feed from an empty plate. I am especially mindful of taking care of myself as I embark on this motherhood journey because I know I am no good to my child if I am no good to myself. They will have everything they need no matter what but only one mother and one father. So I have to be good to myself, for them.
Alchemy: What’s something this journey of life is teaching you? Can you reflect on a specific moment?
Gabrielle: Since I found out I was pregnant, God spoke to me about what this journey would mean. I am just a vessel. I do not own my child. They are definitely mine however, they are going to be their own person. God has chosen me for this blessing and to be the gateway to my child’s experience on Earth.
Motherhood is profound, it’s magical, it’s spiritual, it is so many things but what it is not is ownership. It is not total control, fear, anxiety, or limited–this is bigger than me. I am not the same, I never will be. I am becoming a teacher and a guide, that is how I will exist to my child. I am learning to be more mindful of my ego than ever before. I don’t want to ruin their experience, I simply want to help guide them, teach them, and love them unconditionally.
Alchemy: Can you think of things that you and Tyrell do separately and together that create a strong bond for you all in this new phase of your union?
Gabrielle: My husband and I discuss everything. We thankfully dealt with a lot of childhood trauma/issues and felt we were harboring well before we became pregnant. Therapy is so imperative.
Tyrell is very mindful of the financial aspect of preparing for this child and their future. His focus is on protecting and safeguarding their future so that they want for nothing. I wasn’t raised to respect and value money or the future the same way. We lived on prayer and the mindset that hard work pays off but he is more intentional and wise about how he prepared our child for the future so that they don’t know the financial burden the way that my family did.
Together, we discuss our desired parenting styles, and our boundaries with our community as it pertains to their support and access to our child. We have focused all of our energy on agreeing on things that we once decided we would agree to disagree on–we must be on the same page. So, there is a lot of communication and conversation around what we want and do not want for our family as it grows. Our vision is the same.
Lastly, I want to touch on my expectations versus reality.
I thought pregnancy would feel different in the beginning. I thought I would enjoy it and feel connected to my baby. I felt very connected to God in the beginning but not my child. I cried, I felt miserable and I felt lost. More recently a lot has changed for me. The support and love I have received from friends and family have slowly ushered me to a place that feels ideal. And the love and care, my husband, has shown me has really put me in a better place. I thought I would grow to love Tyrell more but not like this. He has shown me what a real man is. I didn’t think it was possible to fall head over heels for him.
We’ve been married for two years, together for eight but the way he’s treated me has healed something in me that time couldn’t. I feel his connection to our child, I feel my child’s excitement and love for him–it’s deep. Since our photo shoot, I feel more confident. Prepping for my shoot I reached out to two close friends, Keyone and S’Maria. The encouragement from them, my husband, and my mom made me feel more motherly than I have felt this entire pregnancy.
When I stepped into the studio I felt my baby’s energy literally illuminating through me. It was the most surreal feeling. My baby’s light was literally shining through me. I have been on a high ever since. Everything I thought wasn’t possible, after discovering that pregnancy wasn’t as enjoyable as I imagined it would be, has become my reality. It goes to show your expectations can be exceeded. While what I envisioned wasn’t this, my journey has become the most beautiful life experience and I know this is what God intended. The kind of person I am, I would have missed the message if it had been too easy in the beginning. Adversity is necessary to understand and appreciate the triumph.
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